apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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