...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
