we made out on top of his cat.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
