So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
