After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
