i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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