I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
