I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
