I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
