she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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