I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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