Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this boner is exhausting
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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