Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
