you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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