Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
