At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
