i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
