this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
