I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
