When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
