I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
