just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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