I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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