So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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