mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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