Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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