I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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