dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
