I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
