Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
