So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
