And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
