Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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