like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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