He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
