mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
