Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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