I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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