if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize