if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize