we have pet lesbian snakes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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