Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
