he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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