Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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