You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize