These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
soo... how was my night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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