Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
