well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
