I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
