Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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