my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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