I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
