I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
