This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
