What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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