It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
