so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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