Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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