it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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