Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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