your room smells of hookers.
And success
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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