I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
