if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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