I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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