I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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