Your face is a jimmy john
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
